Welcome. We see you.
Our vision is a legal system that sees, listens and protects you and your children, keeping you safe, peaceful and thriving.
LATEST POLICY NEWS: California's Senate Bill (SB) 654 Clear Legislature and Heads to Governor Newsom's Desk“I am grateful to my colleagues for their overwhelming support of SB 654, which will save lives. Child safety must be our number one priority in the courts, and we must ensure that we don’t put children in situations of ongoing danger of domestic violence or substance abuse. I am proud that this measure brings us one step closer to guaranteeing our laws better protect children and prioritize their health, safety, and welfare.” - Senator Dave Min
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"Motherly instincts are praised in virtually every part of society except the Family Court System. Instead our innate instincts to protect our young are weaponized against us."
- Tina Swithin, One Moms Battle
It's time for solidarity. It's time to come together and advocate for evidence-based policy that prioritizes child safety in all custody cases and frees everyone from all forms of post-separation abuse.
Throughout the world, unhealthy fathers are using family court systems and their children to continue post-separation abuse with no accountability — and safe mothers are being punished (even losing custody) in their attempts to protect themselves & their children from abuse.
The current family court system in the United States is failing our children by routinely awarding custody to the abusive parent in cases where abuse is present. It is estimated that over 58,000 children per year continue to be court-ordered into unsupervised visitation with their abuser and are, therefore, at risk.
While this issue impacts parents of all genders, current research proves that safe mothers are losing custody disproportionately, often by as much as 73-81% of the time. Due to this disparity, we advocate for safe mothers to have the most significant impact on the family court system.
We hope, regardless of gender, that those who value healthy outcomes for our children will stand with us in this movement.
Throughout the world, unhealthy fathers are using family court systems and their children to continue post-separation abuse with no accountability — and safe mothers are being punished (even losing custody) in their attempts to protect themselves & their children from abuse.
The current family court system in the United States is failing our children by routinely awarding custody to the abusive parent in cases where abuse is present. It is estimated that over 58,000 children per year continue to be court-ordered into unsupervised visitation with their abuser and are, therefore, at risk.
While this issue impacts parents of all genders, current research proves that safe mothers are losing custody disproportionately, often by as much as 73-81% of the time. Due to this disparity, we advocate for safe mothers to have the most significant impact on the family court system.
We hope, regardless of gender, that those who value healthy outcomes for our children will stand with us in this movement.
OUR MISSION
Through the cultivation of community, awareness building & advocacy our mission is to establish child safety as the top priority in all custody cases and ensure freedom from coercive control and post separation abuse.
OUR VISION
We envision a research-led and trauma-informed family court system that acts with urgency and without bias to protect children from abuse while ensuring accountability and enforcement of their human rights, specifically:
Imagine peace for you and your children. This is our goal.
- Judges, legal professionals, our communities and elected officials are part of the solution to protect children from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), a leading indicator of life-long health and well-being.
- Trauma-informed judicial practices are integrated into every courtroom.
- Legislation, based on evidence-based factors, is in place and enforced in all 50 US states and internationally to ensure children’s safety is the top priority when making decisions regarding child custody.
- Coercive control is recognized as a form of domestic violence in all 50 US states and internationally.
- The abuse of a protective parent and its impact on their child are accurately correlated and met with appropriate safety measures.
- Judges, lawyers, legal professionals and child welfare services engage in mandated continuing education about the impacts of high conflict personalities in custody cases and are provided guidance for how to successfully navigate these cases with compassion and accountability in ways that mitigate conflict and protect safe caregivers and their children from all forms of post separation abuse.
Imagine peace for you and your children. This is our goal.
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What is Post Separation Abuse?
"While domestic violence often takes place behind closed doors, Post Separation Abuse takes place in a new venue: the Family Court System."
What is post separation abuse? For many, it is worse than the abuse (domestic violence) suffered during the relationship or marriage. Domestic violence is about power and control. That deep-seated need for power and control does not mysteriously vanish when the relationship ends. During the relationship, the victim often feels better equipped to protect the children. After the relationship ends, and the victim enters the family court system, their natural instincts to protect their children are harnessed. The domestic violence victim is actually penalized for attempting to protect their young and often, accused of “alienation.” Protection is NOT alienation. (This is not opinion, this is evidence based: see the research of Joan Meier). While domestic violence often takes place behind closed doors, post separation abuse takes place in a new venue: the family court system.
Post-separation abuse does not just affect the victim, it has both immediate and long-lasting effects on children resulting in high adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). ACE’s, a term used to describe any traumatic event during childhood such as divorce, violence, emotional abuse, neglect, substance abuse or even an environment that undermines a child’s sense of bonding or stability. The ACE Study (The Center for Disease Control and Kaiser Permanente) should be the courtroom bible for judges and other family court professionals who are tasked with the responsibility of acting in the best interest of children.
While there are many resources available to victims of DV during the relationship, the only resource available to victims of post separation abuse is the family court system itself (judges, mediators, minor’s counsel, custody evaluators, therapists, co-parenting counselors, parenting coordinators and attorneys). It is so important for those in the family court system to be educated on post-separation abuse and to recognize it in high-conflict divorces, custody battles and paternity cases. (Source: One Mom's Battle)
While there are many resources available to victims of DV during the relationship, the only resource available to victims of post separation abuse is the family court system itself (judges, mediators, minor’s counsel, custody evaluators, therapists, co-parenting counselors, parenting coordinators and attorneys). It is so important for those in the family court system to be educated on post-separation abuse and to recognize it in high-conflict divorces, custody battles and paternity cases. (Source: One Mom's Battle)
Here's why we need to evolve the current approach to "high-conflict" custody cases:
Lumping in a protective, safe parent with a high-conflict personality and defining the case as "high-conflict" can lead to dangerous outcomes and perpetuate the abuse of protective parents and their children.
"High conflict approaches mean courts immediately assume fathers (but not mothers) are acting in good faith instead of waiting for the evidence to make this determination. The courts assume the goal is co-parenting and judge parents on their willingness to cooperate. Abusers seek custody to regain access to their victim and are happy to seek shared parenting as a first step to gaining full control."
"Mothers’ attempts to protect their child, as any good parent would do are viewed as an obstacle to the co-parenting arrangement the court is promoting. This goal benefits courts trying to control overcrowded dockets, but is harmful to the children. ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) research informs us that contested custody is often the last chance to save children from a lifetime of misery, but few courts are considering this research even though it comes from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and is taught by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges.
"High conflict approaches mean courts immediately assume fathers (but not mothers) are acting in good faith instead of waiting for the evidence to make this determination. The courts assume the goal is co-parenting and judge parents on their willingness to cooperate. Abusers seek custody to regain access to their victim and are happy to seek shared parenting as a first step to gaining full control."
"Mothers’ attempts to protect their child, as any good parent would do are viewed as an obstacle to the co-parenting arrangement the court is promoting. This goal benefits courts trying to control overcrowded dockets, but is harmful to the children. ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) research informs us that contested custody is often the last chance to save children from a lifetime of misery, but few courts are considering this research even though it comes from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and is taught by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges.
Question: Why aren't Family Courts using evidence-based guidelines from the CDC and the National Council for Juvenile and Family Court Judges?
HOW TO SUPPORT KYRA'S LAW
"Can you imagine that we have to fight for a law saying that the health and safety of a child have to be prioritized and considered? But that’s where our law is right now.”- New York State Senator Todd Kaminsky
NYS Assemblyman Andrew Hevesi’s bill (A5398 - Kyra's Law) seeks to offer children greater protection by creating detailed criteria prioritizing the health and safety of children over other "best interest" factors. Research commissioned by the National Institute of Justice and the Department of Justice confirms our divorce/family court system gets most child custody cases involving abuse dangerously wrong.
Kyra’s Law will help make the child’s safety the top priority in child custody cases. Research commissioned by the National Institute of Justice and the Department of Justice confirms our divorce/family court system gets most child custody cases involving abuse dangerously wrong. TAKE ACTION NOW and email your New York State Senator, Assemblymember, and Governor Cuomo.
Kyra’s Law will help make the child’s safety the top priority in child custody cases. Research commissioned by the National Institute of Justice and the Department of Justice confirms our divorce/family court system gets most child custody cases involving abuse dangerously wrong. TAKE ACTION NOW and email your New York State Senator, Assemblymember, and Governor Cuomo.
RESEARCH: Confronting the Challenge of High-Conflict Personality in Family Court (Santa Clara Law)
"Family law attorneys and judges alike would benefit from thoughtful education aimed at deepening their understanding of personality disorders and learning effective ways to communicate and work with such individuals."
While most divorce cases are settled out-of-court in less than two years, high-conflict cases typically last two to five years and can involve scores of filings, endless delays, tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees, and a high rate of attorney turnover. Worst of all, children become collateral damage and often wind up developing a wide range of mental-health issues (see ACEs).
This empirical study focuses on family law cases that involve a litigant with a personality disorder and that drag on for years despite reasonable options for resolution. Informed by the relatively sparse literature on high-conflict personalities in the family law system, Professor Oberman and her co-authors interviewed experienced family law practitioners, family law judges, and a seasoned custody evaluator with the goal of increasing knowledge about the harms associated with high-conflict personalities in the family law system, the forces that perpetuate these protracted disputes, and possible means to ameliorate the problem. Professor Oberman and her colleagues report on the major themes that emerged from their interviews with family law experts and propose a series of reforms suggested by these findings.
“The optimal means for resolving these cases lies in recognizing that the high-conflict party is drawn to the conflict, rather than to settlement, and devising effective means of disengaging and de-escalating the dispute.” To that end, “family law attorneys and judges alike would benefit from thoughtful education aimed at deepening their understanding of personality disorders and learning effective ways to communicate and work with such individuals.”
While most divorce cases are settled out-of-court in less than two years, high-conflict cases typically last two to five years and can involve scores of filings, endless delays, tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees, and a high rate of attorney turnover. Worst of all, children become collateral damage and often wind up developing a wide range of mental-health issues (see ACEs).
This empirical study focuses on family law cases that involve a litigant with a personality disorder and that drag on for years despite reasonable options for resolution. Informed by the relatively sparse literature on high-conflict personalities in the family law system, Professor Oberman and her co-authors interviewed experienced family law practitioners, family law judges, and a seasoned custody evaluator with the goal of increasing knowledge about the harms associated with high-conflict personalities in the family law system, the forces that perpetuate these protracted disputes, and possible means to ameliorate the problem. Professor Oberman and her colleagues report on the major themes that emerged from their interviews with family law experts and propose a series of reforms suggested by these findings.
“The optimal means for resolving these cases lies in recognizing that the high-conflict party is drawn to the conflict, rather than to settlement, and devising effective means of disengaging and de-escalating the dispute.” To that end, “family law attorneys and judges alike would benefit from thoughtful education aimed at deepening their understanding of personality disorders and learning effective ways to communicate and work with such individuals.”
Let's talk about ACEs
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) have a tremendous impact on future violence victimization and perpetration, and lifelong health and opportunity. Working together, we can help create neighborhoods, communities, and a world in which every child can thrive. Learn more about preventing ACEs in your community by assuring safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments.
"Everywhere in every way our systems are perpetuating coercive control."- Jess Hill, The Trap
Content warning: domestic abuse and violence. Domestic abuse is not just something that happens to other people—it is the story of all of us. But before we can fix it, we need to see it for what it really is. We have to understand The Trap. Features: social workers from the Brisbane Domestic Violence Service, Geraldine Bilston, Dr Torna Pitman, Dr Janja Lilich, Karina Hogan, Lisa Aronson Fontes, and a number of victim-survivors whose identities are protected.